What I Do When the Internet's Down

The internet was down today. My husband is the only one who can effectively tweak what needs to be tweaked to get it up and running, so I had a weird day. The school district that I sub in is on spring break, so obviously I didn't work. I have a real estate closing tomorrow (I still do contract work for my old firm so I can make some money), but I couldn't do anything with the documents (they are all "on the system" at work, so I couldn't access them). I generally tend to play a bit on the internet and watch cheesy tv. I usually work on class work, but since I had no internet, most of what I would normally do, I could not. So, I went shopping.

Shopping is not as much fun when you don't have any money. I went to Loehmann's and found a great dress. It was actually age appropriate (I am almost 30, but have a problem with dressing too young), but it cost $60. Granted, it was by Laundry and should have been over $200, but I just couldn't afford it. My husband and I only have $300 until April 15th, so $60 takes quite a chunk out of that. I ended up buying a pink hooded sweatshirt for $10 (it was from the Junior's department, so no doubt it is too young for me). So depressing. To make up for my fiscal responsibility, I went to target and bought some makeup. I really can't wait to start subbing again (or at least to have some homework - my classes are too easy this semester!).

Best Invention Ever

Let me take a moment to sing the praises of what is quite possibly the best invention ever (or at least in the past couple of decades): TiVo. I realize that I am not alone in singing TiVo's praises, but I must tell my story.

I am a reality TV junkie. I watch American Idol, America's Next Top Model, The Apprentice, and the Bachelor. I have not really been keeping up with TV lately (except through TiVo), so I did not realize that a new season of the Bachelor was about to begin. Even if I had been sure, I have been so bored by the last few installments (I count the Bachelorette as the same show here) that I am not sure I would have watched. But TiVo remembered, due to my season pass. I realized last night when I got home from class that TiVo was taping something, and when I was figured out it was the Bachelor, I was quite pleased. Thank you, TiVo. The new Bachelor looks like it is going to be disgustingly awful, and thus much more enjoyable. I am sure my husband thanks you to.

Back to School

My last day at my law firm was my first day at school. This was the day after Labor Day in 2004 (7 months ago). My school is ridiculously convenient for me (for the most part). The main campus is about a 10-minute drive away. I almost ended up at a different school that would not have been too convenient, but luckily I had a few strings pulled for me. Many years ago, when I was applying for college, I purposefully went out of my way to make sure that I got into school with “no strings.” I wanted to get in based on my own merit. I probably would have ended up at a better school had I used some things to my advantage (alumni, a childhood illness that made me “more diverse”), but I didn’t. I am not so stupid anymore. So I allowed strings to be pulled. And it made my life much easier!

See, as I mentioned before, I sort of made this career-change decision rather quickly. I was set to go to a school that would have had me traveling all over the area to go to classes until one of the partners I worked for at the law firm stepped in. She suggested my current school, and mentioned its convenience. So I called the school and talked to the guy in charge of admissions. He told me classes had started that week, and I would have to wait for next semester. I was in no mood to wait (I couldn’t stay at my job any longer or I feared a mental breakdown), so I decided I would have to go to the other school. I told the law partner this, and she said she could help. Turns out her husband is the chair of one of the departments over at the university. He talked to the dean of the school of education, and I was in! Yeah! I had only missed a week of class, so I wasn’t even that far behind! Time to begin my new life.

What Am I Doing?

Why have I decided to do a blog? I am not planning on telling anyone (as of yet). So why? Because I have spent the last 2 months reading teacher's blogs. I love them. As soon as I figure out how to link to other blogs, I will. I want to be a teacher. Specifically, a middle school science teacher. I would be interested in teaching math, but science is my first choice.

I used to be a lawyer. A corporate lawyer. At my first job I did international finance-type stuff for a while, and then settled into domestic finance. I worked at a huge firm in a big city. I was in a department that was known throughout the city as being tough. The hours were awful (I spent a 3 month period in which I did not arrive home before 10pm), and the environment was 85% male. I didn't mind all of this so much. What I hated was the people with whom I worked. Some were wonderful. Invariably, they left the firm. Others were terrors. They shouted and screamed. They questioned my competency. They called my questions stupid. I might not have been a lawyer-extraordanaire, but I graduated from a top 15 to top 10 (depending on the year) law school. I was not an idiot. Yet I was made to feel like one. Not a great place. So what did I do? I switched firms.

A more intelligent woman might have figured that it was the law that was not for her. But I thought it was the firm. So I went to a kinder, gentler law firm. I would go from billing 2300 hours a year to 1900 hours a year. I thought this would be the difference. My new law firm had nicer lawyers, nicer clients, and nicer hours. It would be a whole new world for me, and I was sure I would love it. Fast forward 6 months, and I was more miserable than before. I would cry to my husband every Sunday night - "Please don't make me go back!" My husband was a lawyer too, so he should know how I felt, but he didn't think it was too bad. He thought my misery was misplaced and would soon disappear. He thought I just needed to give it a chance. He thought wrong.

I got to the point where I couldn't bear to go to work, but I knew I had to. I would lock my door and lay on my floor and cry. I did my work, but my heart wasn't in it anymore. I went from super-conscientious lawyer to lazy lawyer. I felt my reputation slipping. And I just didn't care. I was so miserable that whether or not a client got a $500,000 basket or a $1,000,000 basket didn't matter to me. But I still had to argue for it. And I hated my life.

My husband, my therapist and my marriage counselor (more on this later) said my decision to quit seemed sudden. Where had these people been for the last 2 months? I was crying, I was depressed, I was miserable. I talked of quitting constantly. I do agree, the actual implementation of my departure from the world of law was quick. I planned my getaway and put in my notice. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to teach science (my B.S. is in Genetics). I wanted to teach middle school (more on this later, too). The only advice I solicited from my husband was his thoughts on the money situtation. It was necessary. I went from a six figure salary to paying $5,000 a semester for school. But if I had not quit when I did, I would have been so miserable I don't think I could have managed.